In 2014, when I turned 50, I was given a superpower.
I didn’t realize what it was at the time, but soon it became very clear.
Suddenly, it seemed, I became invisible. Truly. Where before when I would walk through crowds, people would make eye contact. When I approached a counter, people would run up to help.
And now, none of this was happening. People were looking THROUGH me, not AT me.
At first, I was alarmed. Then I became concerned. Soon after, I became angry and depressed. And then, when I realized that not only was my superpower not going away, but it was also becoming quite common around my peers, all of whom were in their 50s, I decided to embrace it.
We’ve all seen the Geico commercials where consultant Dr. Rick works with young people who act like their parents. It’s funny and, for the most part, very true.
Being one of those actual, legitimate, old parents to adult children brings these commercials close to home. I don’t want to be like that. And yet I am.
Why do older adults care a lot less about stuff than younger ones? And why do younger adults worry constantly of what everyone thinks about them?
I have a theory.
The reason older adults act like THOSE parents, is because at our age, we forget that children grow up. They have lives of their own. They know how to do just about everything we think they don’t. The more we as the aging parents try to stay relevant, the worse it turns out. Geico sells a shit-ton of insurance through their commercials, but there is more than a grain of truth in all of them. Aging parents, let’s face it, have become irrelevant. The harder we push our adult kids to do things our way and listen to us, the more they turn away. I did it with my parents. I know they did it with theirs. And now, our kids are experiencing our last gasp of attempted parenting. Just like a pair of pants that don’t fit anymore, it’s time to let them go.
But what about the rest of the world? I have a theory about that too:
When we’re kids, under the age of 10 or so, we don’t often care about what other people think of us. That changes around adolescences where suddenly the ONLY things that matters is the approval of others. Some people stay in that state for life.
But for others, the realization over time is that people don’t spend all day and night fixating on what we do, say, think, wear, pray to, or love. Most people are so worried about what others think of them that they aren’t paying attention to you. Hence, we start becoming invisible.
I think we believe the world turns around us.
It doesn’t.
In 1999 when I got out of the Navy and grew my ferocious beard, I wore it proudly. Then one day, before I had a job interview at a different company, I shaved it off. My wife didn’t notice it for several days. For me it was shocking and very obvious. I thought the whole world would say something and criticize me. When my own wife didn’t notice, it gave me the freedom to just be me.
Nobody cares if you change your clothes, your appearance, your hair style, your job, your religion, your friends, or pretty much anything you do. The hard truth is that we think the world revolves around us, when in fact it cares little about us.
The bottom line is that no matter what you think strangers are thinking about you, you are wrong.
No stranger really cares about you or what you do. You will be forgotten within seconds of running across them.
Knowing that, maybe it’s time to be more comfortable in your own skin.
Several years ago, when we lived in a subdivision in Maryland, crammed in among nosey neighbors who constantly bragged about their lavish vacations, I heard somebody on TV (I can’t remember who) say the following:
We spend money we don’t have, on things we don’t need, to impress other people that we really care nothing about.
That’s the philosophy of the masses. It was the philosophy of my subdivision.
You are better than that.
Be YOU.
So, get that new hairstyle. Get that tattoo on your neck. Shave your head. Grow a beard. Wear colors that don’t match. Adopt a clothing style from the past that you really like. Befriend the weirdo. Dismiss the popular people. Do what people least expect you to do.
The stakes are very low. When you realize that essentially, we are forgettable, and yes, eventually invisible, it gives us the freedom to be who we really are. And so long as that’s not offensive, illegal, inappropriate, or just wrong, go with it.
The REAL you is unique and special. Don’t let the self-conscious, people-pleasing, thin-skinned, un-enlightened public make you want to hide or change. The world needs more people just like you.