If everyone cared and nobody cried.
If everyone loved and nobody lied.
If everyone shared and swallowed my pride.
Then we’d see the day when nobody died.
If Everyone Cared. Nickelback. 2005.
A few weeks ago, I left my house early to drive down to Tuscaloosa, Alabama to speak at a conference. I stopped into the Dunkin’ drive thru to get a bagel breakfast sandwich and some coffee. When I got to the window, I handed my credit card to the worker. She handed it back and said the lady in front of me had paid for my order. It was the old “pay it forward” game you hear about. I said to go ahead then and pay for the order behind me. I secretly hoped they didn’t order 10 dozen donuts for a workplace party. Fortunately, their order was smaller than mine. I got my food and turned onto the highway.
As I headed to the interstate, I thought about random acts of kindness. While the “pay it forward” thing is fun, it’s not THAT great because I had no idea who the person was in front of me or in back of me. Plus, $6.00 was not a big sacrifice. Then I tried to remember the first time I experienced a REAL act of kindness. Turns out, it was when I was in 7th grade back in 1977.
Middle school was hell for me. 6th grade wasn’t too bad, but 7th was the worst. I was overweight, shy, had a severe overbite, and was fairly certain I was the ugliest human on the planet. That is if I was even qualified to be called a human. The kids called me “fats” as in Fats Domino, but obviously it wasn’t a compliment.
In October, the 7th and 8th graders went to the local mountains for outdoor education. During the day we did classes on science and biology, and the evenings were spent in fun activities. On the last night of outdoor ed, we had square dancing.
Our teachers had the boys line up on one side of the room and girls on the other. Then, the boy and girl at the front of the line would hold hands and would square dance together across the room. As I neared the front of the line, I could see the girls in the line across the room trying to move further back as they calculated who would have to dance with me. When I got to the front of the line, none of the girls wanted to meet me to dance.
Except for one. Judy Haag. She was 4th in line but quickly moved across the room to meet me.
Judy was beautiful. She smiled and took my hands. We awkwardly danced across the room, and I was in total shock. I wondered what all the other boys thought. I felt great!
We didn’t talk after that dance. Middle school kids back then communicated through passed notes, but I was too shy. A couple of months later though, most of the 7th grade class, including me, was invited to Judy’s birthday party.
I was dismayed to see she had a boyfriend (I remembered he looked a little like Peter Tork from The Monkeys), but later that evening, someone put on some records, and the brave and attractive kids danced. Then, Benny and the Jets by Elton John came on, and Judy asked me to dance. Slow dance. I thought I was dreaming. When the song ended, I realized I could still smell her perfume on my jacket. I didn’t let my mom wash it for a long time.
But what I felt was unexpected. As attractive as she was, I was simply mesmerized by her kindness. The prettiest girl in 7th grade danced with me. Twice. Looking back, it was her kindness that I remembered most.
I have no idea what ever happened to Judy. She transferred schools at the end of the year, and I never saw her again, but I was different after that. In the summer between 7th and 8th grade, I lost a bunch of weight and 8th grade was a much better experience.
Anyone can offer to pay for someone else’s coffee at a drive thru. It takes REAL courage to do an act of kindness that makes you take a risk. Judy probably caught hell from her friends, but she danced with me anyway. A real act of kindness costs more than a cup of coffee and a donut.
This week, think about what acts of kindness was most significant for you. If you can find the person who did it, why not reach out to thank them? They may never know the impact they had on you.
You may never know the impact you can have with others. Why not try some REAL kindness this week?