“Create your own box before someone makes you fit into theirs” – Mack Munro
We’ve already talked about how most people put others in a box in order to better deal with them. It takes a great deal of strength to stay out of someone else’s box, but the best and easiest way is to simply create your own box.
As of this writing, I’ve just entered my 57th year on this planet. The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my own skin. And the more I look around, the more I see that the happiest people around me are those who are comfortable enough as their true self to simply create their own box. Let me give you an example.
There are only a couple of things I can do well. I’m not mechanically inclined. I have no interest in anything involving tools or getting my hands dirty. When I was a kid and my dad tinkered around with old cars, I was more comfortable in the house doing crafts and cooking. I’m sure he was disappointed that I didn’t follow in his footsteps, but my brother did. He loved working with his hands and he was good at it. My dad’s box fit my brother perfectly. My wife grew up being interested in mechanical things. Her dad drove an 18-wheeler and worked on it when he wasn’t on the road. There was nothing he couldn’t fix. She enjoyed working with him doing things most young women wouldn’t be interested in. When she joined the Navy, she wanted to become an Electrician’s Mate, a male-dominated rating. It took a very long time for me to not feel inadequate when I felt called to creative, indoor activities while she enjoyed working in the garage.
But just recently, I realized that rather than lamenting what I didn’t want to do wasn’t helpful, and I decided fully commit into what I did love. Once I did that, I didn’t feel the slightest bit intimidated when my wife decided to replace all the wall outlets in the house or tackle plumbing projects. Rather than fit into her or my dad’s boxes, I simply found my own box and owned it. I’m a writer, artist, speaker, podcaster, pitmaster, and teacher. It’s a box that’s unique to me and would be wholly uncomfortable for anyone else. I won’t force you into my box. Don’t shame me into fitting into yours.
If you’re concerned about being stuck in an ill-fitting box, then why not create your own? Here are some suggestions:
- What do you love? Think beyond gender boxes. Most people would think my wife is the creative one while I’m the dirt-under-my-nails person. It’s not true. YOU have to identify what you truly love and own it.
- Ignore the voices that tell you you’re not a fit. You aren’t. That’s the beautiful part! Why should anyone else tell you what you should do and who you should be?
- Own your uniqueness. For every product and service that stands out, there is someone behind it that chose not to follow convention. It’s lonely and can seem risky, but it’s worse to be typecast into something you don’t love.
- Think like an older person when you’re young. Older folks (and I consider myself as one of them) have seen and done enough in their years to base life on their considerable experience. Some carry a confidence and an “I-don’t-give-a-shit” attitude that works for them. It’s the end result of a process that takes a great many years. The more my daughter asks me for professional career advice, the more I realize that I have a ton to offer. Look at every challenge, victory, success, and failure as a life lesson that no textbook or teacher can impart. The more you have them, the wiser you become. Don’t wait until you’re my age to own the journey, start today!
Regardless of how you feel about yourself, you do have superpowers, gifts, and abilities. Take some time this Spring to identify them and get comfortable in your own box. You’ll be very glad you did.