When I was in the Navy, there was no more a despicable person in my mind than someone in the Army or Air Force. I could tolerate Marines, after all they are part of the Department of the Navy, but Army or “chair” Force? Never. While we all served on the same BIG team, we still were rivals.
But I retired from the Navy 20 years ago. As a retiree, I’m free to shop on post at of all places, Fort Campbell, an Army base. It’s funny, but the soldiers and airmen I used to despise are all part of a big fraternity that I’m happy to share in. We may have had a rivalry when on active duty, but we’re all one big, gray, fat, happy family now as retirees. Our shared experiences bring us close. And don’t ever badmouth ANY service in front of us. You’re liable to find a cane up your ass.
As The Boss, building rapport consists of several steps, one important one being the ability to reflect on shared experiences. If you’re The Boss, you know what it’s like to be the one doing the work while someone gives orders. You remember what it was like not to have a say-so in what you want to do. Not being able to manage your own schedule and work processes still brings back some bad memories.
But now you’re The Boss.
And if you want to relate better to your direct reports, talk about what that was like.
You already know why self-disclosure is important. We talked about that a few days ago. But let’s think about what this might look like in a common situation.
Boss: “Hey Jim, I hate to do this but I need you to work late tonight.”
Jim:“Aww really Boss? Tonight is my bowling night”
Boss: “I hear you. I know bowling is something you look forward to. Hey how is your bowling team doing? Jim, this deadline is really important. The organization needs to meet the deadline.”
Jim: “Yeah, whatever. I guess.”
Boss: “Thank you, Jim. I really appreciate you always putting our team first. I want you to know when my boss used to ask this of me, I never thought she cared but I want you to know that I do.”
This is a tough situation but by at least referencing a shared experience, it might make it go a bit easier. This is also the foundation of what we’ll talk about tomorrow: Empathy.
Take some time this week to think back through your experiences. As you work towards building rapport, be a little bit more of an open book. Your people will at least know that you’re human. And maybe that you have a heart.
What do you think?