“You say it best…when you say nothing at all…” – Keith Whitley
It’s hard to figure out what to say when somebody you know has lost someone or something.
The best place to see this played out is on your Facebook wall. You’ve seen it right? Somebody’s dog dies and you get something like this:
“So sorry for your loss”
“So sad to hear”
Or the big one:
“Oh my gosh, that’s so sad. I know just how you feel. Last year our dog died too…”
These are all examples of SYMPATHY. It’s a fancy way of saying “I feel sorry for you.”
And it’s supposed to make you feel better. But it doesn’t. Ever.
When I lost my brother in 2017, there was plenty of sympathy. I get it. It’s the normal thing to do. But it didn’t help. I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy. What I would have rather had was silence. Maybe a crying emoji.
But some people were different. They called. They asked me what I loved most about my brother, then just listened. The climbed down into the dark place with me and just sat beside me. That was helpful.
And that is what empathy is. It’s not just seeing something from another’s perspective, it’s getting down to their level and just being present.
As The Boss, we can’t expect you to do this all the time, but when in doubt, use empathy. Or just acknowledge the person’s loss and be there.
But ditch the sympathy. The only person it helps is the grieving person’s friends who don’t know quite what to do.
“You say it best, when you say nothing at all…”