There are a lot of definitions on what conflict is, but the one I like best is one I heard on a recent podcast with Dr. Nate Regier. He says that conflict is the disconnect between what I want and what I’m actually experiencing.
That’s different than some of the typical definitions that focus on the positions others take when they have a conflict with you, but as The Boss, it’s important that you view conflict differently, much like Dr. Regier.
I’m writing this post on what is a typical day flying to a client site. Now what I want is a parking space at the Nashville airport on the third deck of the parking structure, close to the walkway (check), a shorter line in the TSA Pre-Check line than in the regular boarding lines (disconnect), a short line at the Starbucks(disconnect), a flight that isn’t totally full where I might have an empty seat next to me (disconnect), and flights that are on schedule (so far, check).
Now up to this point, I’m experiencing lots of conflict, which means I have choices:
- Work ahead of time to avoid those conflicts. I could fly on a day other than Monday morning which is typically heavy. Get my coffee from the O’Charley’s restaurant or Burger King, and always take the first flight out which is usually on time.
- Confront those conflicts and attempt to remove them. This is the most common approach I see in airports and on airplanes. Complaining, arguing, bad behavior, etc. Not always your best option.
- “Embrace The Suck”. This one, a military term, means just resign yourself to what is probably going to be painful or uncomfortable. I used this last Mother’s Day when we took my wife out to brunch, on a late Sunday morning, at Cracker Barrel. I knew it would be packed but we just agreed to embrace the suck and go anyway. And it actually was only a 30 minute wait.
As The Boss, not only will you have to deal with conflict but you’ll have to lead your team through it as well. What they expect from you is to see the entire situation for what it is and what it needs to be, hear their opinions on it, and make the best decision possible that benefits you, your organization, and your team. And you’d better communicate this to them honestly.
And if it becomes necessary to “embrace the suck” then own it and don’t blame somebody. Just get the team moving forward.
Maybe we’ll deal with the other forms of conflict later, but for now, just focus on this one. Conflict is about making choices. Be sure, as The Boss, to make good ones.