We’ve all heard powerful statements, those that are active, assertive, and are easily understood and interpreted. Some, like the “Where’s the beef?” ad from the 1970s are memorable, while others like Patrick Henry’s “Give me liberty or give me death” are inspirational. There are other statements though that are weak, useless, and in some cases, quite harmful.
Lame Statement #1: “I know that”
This one is a favorite among middle-schoolers and teenagers. I often hear it from my kids.
I also hear this one an awful lot in my workshops, particularly those with experienced managers in attendance. It usually means they’ve heard what I’m teaching multiple times before. I sometimes see it implied in their post course evaluations. “This was a nice review” or “The instructor was too basic for this experience audience.”
What does it mean?
Aside from the obvious, it usually means “shut up and leave me alone” or possibly, “I’m not interested in listening to you right now.”
How do you respond?
This response sequence comes from my good friend Bruce Johnson who posted it on his Letters to My Daughters blog. It goes like this:
You know that?
- Are you doing it?
- If not, why?
- If you are, can you do it better?
Lame Statement #2: “I don’t know”
This one is popular with all ages.
I hear it from my kids when they know they’ve messed up and are about to be punished (“why did you break the window with the soccer ball?” “I don’t know….”)
I also hear it from managers I’m coaching when they know I’m onto them. (“Why do you feel it’s necessary to yell and scream at your staff?” “I don’t know…”)
How do you respond?
This response comes from a nurse manager I had in a workshop a few months ago. It’s from the world of behavioral therapy.
Me: “Why do you feel it’s necessary to yell and scream at your staff”
Bad Manager: “I don’t know”
Me: “If you did know, what would it be?”
Bad Manager: “I probably do it because it’s how my manager used to treat me”
You see, the statement “I don’t know” is another defensive mechanism. The person isn’t ready to answer the tough question. Of course if the person REALLY doesn’t know, then you have an opportunity to teach don’t you?
This week, try using the POWER responses to the Lame Statements and let me know what happens!